Success can change your relationships in ways you don’t expect.
Your network gets bigger. More people come to you for advice, decisions, and direction. Yet the number of people you can call and say, “I don’t know what to do here”, can become surprisingly small.
Part of that comes with leadership. There are things you can’t discuss with your employees. Your family may know you better than anyone but not fully understand the business. Friends who have known you for years may not have experience with the decisions you are facing now.
So you figure more things out on your own.
That works until you realize there is a difference between being capable of making a decision alone and benefiting from making it alone.
When Everyone Knows You Are The Boss
The more authority you have, the harder it can become to tell whether you are getting someone’s honest opinion.
People learn how you think. They know which ideas you like, which ones you have rejected, and when it is easier to nod than push back. Most aren’t intentionally being dishonest. They are responding to the dynamics that come with hierarchy.
Which means every leader should occasionally wonder: Are people agreeing with me because I am right, or because I am in charge?
That is where your circle becomes important. Not your network. Your circle.
The people you trust with an idea before you have decided whether it is a good one. The ones who can hear about the opportunity you are excited about and still point out what you are overlooking. The people who know enough about you to recognize when ambition, fear, ego, or loyalty may be affecting your judgement.
You don’t need many relationships like that, but you need some.
McKinsey’s work with CEOs has explored the isolation that can come with senior leadership and the value of having trusted peers outside the organization. There is a reason those relationships matter: the people inside your business don’t alway have the distance, freedom, or experience to challenge you in the same way.
Support Is Good. Perspective Is Better.
We have talked about finding your tribe on Say Less Unscripted, including in our conversation with Josh Johnson. But your tribe shouldn’t simply be a collection of people who make you feel understood.
Your circle shouldn’t only make you feel supported. It should make you better.
Sometimes that means encouragement. Other times, it means someone telling you that you have been talking about the same problem for six months and still haven’t dealt with it.
It means having people who can say, you are moving too fast. Or, you are playing too small. Or, I think you are keeping that person because of your history with them, not because it’s what is best for the business.
Instead of becoming defensive, you listen because you know where it is coming from.
That is different from surrounding yourself with critics. Advice is easy to give when you don’t have to live with the consequences. The people who earn that kind of access should understand you, respect what you are building, and have judgement you trust. But they also need the freedom to disappoint you.
Otherwise, you don’t have perspective, you have an echo chamber.
Who Gets The Unfinished Version?
Think about the last decision you genuinely struggled with. Who heard about it before you knew what you were going to do?
That is probably a better measure of your circle than the number of contacts in your phone or people you know at an event.
The right people don’t need to make your decision for you. That is still you responsibility. They help you see what you couldn’t see on your own.
As success brings more people into your orbit, be careful not to confuse access with connection or agreement with good counsel.
There should still be a few people close enough to tell you the truth, even when the truth isn’t what you wanted to hear.
Your circle doesn’t need to be big. It needs to make you better.
That is part of why we created the Say Less Unscripted Mastermind. To bring business leaders into a room where they can talk candidly about real challenges, hear different perspectives, and think through what comes next.
If you need more conversations like that, join us at our next Mastermind.