Yes I Failed, But I’m Not a Failure
With Kelvin Smith, Author & Counselor at Independent
The old rules of being a provider and protector no longer apply, and most men haven’t been told what’s replaced them. Author and counselor Kelvin Smith on the mindset shift that separates the men who rebuild from the men who quietly break.
GUEST
Kelvin Smith
Author & Counselor
Independent
Kelvin Smith is a counselor, author, and public voice on modern masculinity - particularly the redefinition asked of black men in a changing professional and cultural landscape. His work focuses on failure, therapy, and the mindset shifts that move men from reactivity to redefinition.
ABOUT THIS EPISODE
The old male playbook - provide, protect, don’t complain - doesn’t scale to a world where the provision is automated and the protection is emotional labor. Kelvin Smith, counselor and author, sits down with Milton and Jacquelyn to unpack what’s actually being asked of men now, and what they can reach for when the script has changed mid-scene.
Therapy isn’t weakness. Failing isn’t being a failure. The 3-C method: communication, connection, compromise works in boardrooms and bedrooms both. And the moment your dog and kids disappear when you walk in the door is a red flag you can’t afford to dismiss.
This is the episode to send the man in your life who’s been silently grinding through a redefinition he never agreed to.
LISTEN ON
HOSTS
Jacquelyn Clayborn
CO-HOST
Milton Quinn
CO-HOST
HIGHLIGHTS
FRAMEWORK REVEAL - THE 3-C METHOD [13:50]
“Communication. Connection. Compromise”
A simple framework for partnership that works whether the relationship is romantic, business, or professional.
BREAKTHROUGH MOMENT [25:42]
“That hurt his feelings when he realized the dog and the kids disappear when he comes home. That’s not healthy.”
Warning sign: when your family flinches instead of lights up. The cost of bringing work stress home.
REDEFINING SUCCESS [34:32]
“I redefined my success as something that no one can take away from me. It’s tied to me and how I view myself as being successful.”
The mindset shift that frees you from external pressures. Success as an internal metric, not an external report card.
CHAPTERS
Modern masculinity and the pressure on black men
00 : 00
Reframe #MeToo as a chance to grow respect
01 : 24
Turn failure into a comeback and redefine identity
05 : 01
Adaptability, confidence, and a no-quit mindset
09 : 30
Alpha partnerships: communication and compromise
11 : 30
Emotional intelligence and men’s mental health
16 : 58
Normalize therapy for men and break the stigma
20 : 19
Encourage growth in young black men
28 : 15
Real goals, pivots with purpose, and love
30 : 06
Redefine success beyond money
33 : 50
Own you story, reject the failure label
38 : 23